Stereo Mind

This morning I went to a meditation class. A very short one. The teacher told me to sit comfortably, breath, try to count my breaths from one to ten, then count again, and if I think of something, let it be and let it go.

I had trouble counting. I started, then it got boring so I thought between breaths, of this and that, and I tried to notice when I was holding on to a thought, like the teacher's instructions, or how I really want to stop thinking, etc.. So I started debating these thoughts with two voices in my head, and so I lost the counting voice. At first I kept saying, oh, I must be somewhere around 5, and started from there. But then I noticed that by guessing I was around 5, I was holding on to the thought that maybe I was at 4 or 7, so every time i wasn't sure, I just started over from 1. I did it for a while and then time finished.

Afterwards I thought this is exactly what I was curious about when I studied about ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), or when I read about The Capacity to be Alone, or what I understood from Yoda's instructions to be mindful of myself....

But I am writing this just to note in my personal growth log, that it seems I have a stereo mind. I am talking to myself. There are two time separated channels in conversation. The counting took over one of them and bored the other. The first voice is me, the second voice is my self (which is me in a moment's delay).